I could say I've been absurdly busy or that something more important came up, but the truth is that I just haven't really had anything to talk about. I haven't touched paint since September, I still haven't finished the painting I started then, and I've barely been into my sketch book. I have spent the last couple of weeks making about 400 Christmas cards to sell at a craft show, but I've already shown you that process, and there's not much point in showing it to you again. But this blog was intended to show others what it's like to try to make an artist's life out of a "normal" one, so I'll try to give you a why. Honestly, I've just been exhausted lately. It's felt like all that I've complained about before now, in terms of having no time to get anything done, but times a million. I've been worrying about getting signed up for classes for this next semester, worrying about switching jobs, and worrying about how to afford Christmas presents for those I love this year. And I'm the type of lame-o who starts worrying and then can't really do much else. When I do have a couple of hours free, I feel as though I'm stuck in limbo, where I can't decide which direction to go. Do I start a drawing? A painting? Try to knit something I could try to sell or give as a gift? Should I work on those cards I need to get done? Maybe I should try applying to better jobs for January? Should I call my Mom? My sisters? My Dad? My Grandparents? Get started on making dinner? Read for awhile? Clean up around the apartment? Go for a drive with Paul? Play with the critters for awhile? Go for a hike? I only had two hours, and after I assess what the best use of that time is going to be, time is up.
Normally this results in me watching Netflix in defiance. Denial? I dunno, one of those two. Or I'll start on one thing and end up working on it half-heartedly for a little while, spending about a third of the time debating whether or not I should quit that and work on something else instead.
However, in the past couple of weeks, as I've been working on these cards, I've felt at least a little bit of a shift. Since about last Wednesday, I've come home from work and started on the cards almost immediately every day. It's the kind of devotion I keep telling myself I need to put to making art in general. I've pushed almost everything else down on my priority list, so that I can get those done in time. We've been eating meals that require less preparation (though they aren't as healthy), exercising less, and pestering Paul and the critters less. It may be a swing a bit too far that direction to maintain, but for now it's a start. If I can continue to try to make this a habit, hopefully it will become as much of my daily life as it really needs to be.
I feel at the moment as though I'm running the risk of turning this blog into more of a personal diary than anything someone else wants to read. But, as I said before, I want this to be something that others can turn to when they're in a similar rut (because I know I'm not the only one, peeps), and hopefully if I can keep it going enough, the story will have a happy ending, with some insights into what may help.
Because, let's face it: I'm a pretty darn normal person. I remember reading the book "Sarah, Plain and Tall" by Patricia MacLachlan in third grade, and being worried that I would grow up to fit that description. And I think my third-grade fear came true. I wake up, take the dog out, get dressed, go to work, come home, make dinner, and go to bed, just like everybody else. I like watching movies, wish I could eat french fries every day, and stress about paying rent. There's nothing special about me or my life. But still, I have this goofy idea that I want to be an artist. A person like me doesn't have aspirations like that. It only works out in the movies, right? Who knows. Maybe it does. But as they say, the only way you're guaranteed to fail is if you don't try. I can only hope that I may be "Sarah plain and tall" on the outside, but on the inside, there's a fire burning (the good kind, not the "year of 2016" type of crap-on-a-cracker-what-the-heck-is-going-on type of fire).
So I'll be around, trying my best, hopefully. I hope to try to keep my schedule closer to what it's been the past couple of weeks, except with paintings and drawings rather than Christmas cards. But we'll see.